Excaliburs Missus
11-17-2007, 03:13 AM
Dear Wife:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven
years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that
I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in
two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything that connects us as
husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
__________________________________________________ _____________
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
athough a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the
first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was stil l on them, and I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But
when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
_________________
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven
years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that
I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and
even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in
two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching
all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore;
you don't want sex or anything that connects us as
husband and wife.
Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me
anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving
away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
__________________________________________________ _____________
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
athough a good man is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your
constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the
first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!'
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't
say something nice, I didn't comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped
eating pork seven years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you
because the $49.99 price tag was stil l on them, and I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just
borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But
when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.
_________________